


Your Girl Calls Me (Bone) Mama Too

by A Melon Most Bitter (Darwise)



Category: HEARTBEAT (Video Game)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Crack Pairing, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-24 23:42:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21107927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darwise/pseuds/A%20Melon%20Most%20Bitter
Summary: A prank by an unknown perpetrator leads Nyx to try her hand at internet dating. Rated M for crude humor, some risque descriptions, Internet trolling, and Mogs acting very, very thirsty.





	1. Prologue: Poker Night at The Reed Residence

The fifth game of poker that Pike organized in the barn was finally close to winding down. Nile had been cleaning house the entire evening, though Klein wasn't too far behind. Ark, Pike, Skip, Luca, and Chip had long since called it quits, leaving just the two of them at the table while the others watched.

Klein narrows her eyes at her opponent from behind her cards. Across the table, Nile smiles, and shoots her a sultry wink. She props the hand holding her cards up onto the table then adjusts her kimono, causing her cleavage to sway.

"You're going to burn a hole if you keep staring so hard. Are you all in... or not?"

Several beads of sweat form on Klein's head, and she nearly jumps out of her seat as Skip slams a small glass of water in front of her. She turns to the Siren, who shrugs her shoulders innocently.

"...What? You looked like you were really thirsty just now!"

Chip snorts, and the entire room erupts into laughter. Skip 'ohoho's', Luca 'Fuohoho's', and Nile titters gently behind her hand. Even Pike's face upticks into a small grin. Ark is still slapping a hand on her knee when Klein groans in embarrassment.

"Ugh... I hate you all."

From the sidelines, Luca takes a sip of her (literal) alcohol, and points a finger in her direction.

"Not nearly as much as I imagine your wallet hates you right now. Foras is a most formidable opponent, and if you're smart, you'll cut your losses, and quit while you're ahead."

"Psh! Says the first one that got eliminated!" Chip quips.

Luca shoots her a dirty look, but before she can say anything, the door to the barn flies open, and a very angry looking Nyx stomps into the center of the room, and slams her palms onto the table. The yuan coins that Klein neatly arranged are scattered across the table, and the entire barn goes silent as they wait for the interloper to speak.

"W-W-W-W-W-Which one of you d-d-did it?!"

The group of Mogwai look amongst themselves in confusion, then back at her.

"...Did what exactly?" Pike asks.

Nyx pulls her cellphone from out of her pocket, and thrusts it into Klein's face. She tries to move away, but Nyx only pushes the phone even closer.

"Somebody took my phone, and s-s-s-s-signed me up for a d-d-d-dating app!"

At this, Klein stops resisting, and takes the phone out of Nyx's trembling hand. The sound of several chairs scraping at once fills the barn as everyone quickly crowds behind Klein's shoulder to get a look.

They've all heard of Mogster, but none of them have actually seen the app up close. Klein taps the app open with her finger, and...

...

.....

.......

The entire group is at a loss. The profile picture is suggestive, to say the least. Completely topless, and clad in nothing but a pair of black boyshorts with a white lace trim, the confident smirk that Nyx gives the camera as she looks over her shoulder screams: "I know you want this." Her hair hangs free of it's usual ponytail, and shines bright and healthy as it ends just past her shoulders. A clever application of eye shadow and concealer hides the unsightly bags that everyone has come to associate with her. She straddles the shaft of her scythe with her lithe form outstretched like a pole dancer, and the angle is positioned in such a way that her breasts are just out of view.

The coup de grace however, is the bold embroidering of the words "Bone Mama" written across the backside of her underwear.

There's no denying it. She looks like a model in this shot.

The first one to comment on her profile picture is Skip.

"...Holy crap, you've been holding out on us!"

"No way." Chip mutters. "I refuse to believe that this shut-in knows how to use makeup."

"Kudos, Nyx." Nile hums. "You clean up _quite_ nicely."

"That was a p-p-p-private picture!!!"

"...But for whom?" Luca asks. The grin on her face stretches from ear to ear, and Nyx wants nothing more than to reach over, and plant her knee right into her nose.

Chip snorts again. "Probably Io before they broke up. Are you two still not talking?"

"T-T-That's none of your b-b-b-b-business!"

Ark tuts, and shakes her head. "Yeah, that's definitely a no. It's a shame. You two were good together."

There's a quiet murmur of agreement among them until Klein notices something that makes her gasp in disbelief.

"...She already has fifty-seven messages in her inbox."

"What?!" Skip screeches. The rest crowd in even closer, with Chip squeezing her head between the crowd, and resting on top of Klein's shoulder.

"What are you waiting for?! Open one!"

"G-Give me that!"

Before any of them can investigate further, Nyx snatches the phone back, and puts it in her pocket.

"That d-d-d-doesn't matter! What I w-want to know, is which one of you f-f-f-f-f-fu-"

Skip snickers loudly, and Nyx glares daggers at her.

"Sorry." Skip says between fits of giggles, clearly not sorry in the slightest. "It's just really, really funny listening to you try to swear."

The scythe is in her Nyx's hands in a flash, and the temperature of the room starts to drop. Thankfully, Pike steps in to diffuse the situation before it gets out of hand.

"Nyx, we've been in here drinking and playing cards for the last three hours. You've been at home all day, I assume? None of us have been anywhere near you to tamper with your phone."

Nyx calms down as she realizes that Pike is right. She slaps a hand against her face, and groans in frustration.

"May I make a suggestion?" Nile says. "Why don't you take a couple of days to mingle online? You might actually enjoy yourself."

Klein opens her mouth to say something, but Nyx gives her a look that makes her quickly decide against it. Nyx sighs, and slumps her shoulders.

"I'll... th-th-th-think about it, I guess..."

She turns away from the group, and walks back towards the barn door, and casts one last glare over her shoulder.

"But if I f-find out that one of you d-did it... _You'll be sorry_."

She closes the barn door shut behind her, and the group takes a second to collect themselves before the each sit back down in their respective seats.

"Well, that happened!" Ark says in a very amused voice.

"Honestly? I didn't think she even owned any lingerie." Luca adds.

"Hey Klein?" Chip asks. "What was that death stare about? She looked ready to strangle you."

Klein massages the sides of her temples, and takes a sip of beer from her cup.

"It's nothing new. Any time something goes wrong for her, I'm the first one that she blames."

Ark downs her mug, and points a finger in Klein's direction. "That's not it and you know it. You're dating her old Conjurer's great-granddaughter. Of course that's gonna make for some hard feelings."

"_Our_ old Conjurer's great-granddaughter, if you want to be specific." Klein corrects.

From behind her own beer glass, Pike winces."That only makes it sound even worse..."

"I honestly miss the days when Io could get her out of the house. It makes things really difficult for Eve and I sometimes..."

"Can we please go back to playing cards?!" Skip whines. "I want Klein to hurry up and lose so we can start the next game."

"I concede the match, I know when I'm beat."

"Works for me." Nile hums. As she takes her winnings, the others move their chairs back to the table while Pike shuffles the deck.

"So... spill the beans." Skip says in a conspiratorial tone. "Which one of you did it?"

"Not this crap again..." Chip groans.

"Let's move the topic away from this," Pike says as starts dealing out cards. "it's rather tasteless."

Skip raises a hand to her chest, feigning indignation.

"Are you calling _ME_ tasteless?"

"You've been drinking your beer out of a cocktail glass the whole night." Pike states flatly. "That's about as tasteless as you can get."

The rest of the table chuckles, but a smug grin starts to creep onto Skip's face.

"See, you seem to forget that I live here with you... so I know exactly what you and your Conjurer get up to when you think Wake and I are sleeping."

The rest of the table gives Pike a very curious glance. Pike's head snaps up from the cards, her face a mixture of irritation and embarrassment.

"Skip... Don't. You. Dare."

But Skip can't resist.

"You should have heard those two on her birthday last month. _Mmmyeah Pi~chael~! Jus' like that!_" Her voice is pitched down in a shameless (and grossly inaccurate) imitation of Belle's drawling accent, causing Luca and Chip to snicker.

"Skip, I'm serious... Knock it off."

Skip closes her eyes and locks her hands behind her head, rocking her hips up and down in her seat.

"_Oh! Oh! Piiiiiiiiii~chael~ Ah luuuuuuuuve you~_"

"Heheh... It's always the quiet ones." Ark says between fits of laughter.

"**Skip. I'm not going to warn you again**." Pike's voice is a deep and menacing growl, and the table goes silent when it's clear that their friend is not amused in the slightest.

.

..

...

Skip raises a hand above her head, and makes a circular motion with her wrist as if twirling a lasso.

"_I'm gon' make it a lil' tighter now, you know how ah like mah rope play Pi~chael~_!"

The beer in Nile's mouth shoots out of her nose, and soon the entire table is doubled over in side-splitting laughter.

A flash of light brightens the room, and suddenly, two hundred and fifty pounds of angry Sahuagin is bearing down on Skip. Before she gets put through the wringer, she chirps out one last parting shot in a sing-song voice.

"Worth it!"

* * *

The phone in Nyx's hasn't stopped chiming with notifications for almost an entire hour now, and she's since switched it over to silent mode. Out of curiosity, she opens Mogster, and scrolls through the messages.

The bulk of them are spam messages, which she quickly deletes, but one stands out to her.

The sender's name XxxYin_EaterxxX, and despite the crass name of choice, the message itself is friendly, respectful, and uses proper grammar. Inside is an invitation to an ongoing user chat.

She thinks back to Nile's suggestion, and decides that maybe, just maybe... she'll give this a chance. Even though things with Io didn't work out, she can't deny the positive influence it had on her, what's to say a bit of internet dating can't do the same?

She taps the screen, and accepts the invite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had way too much fun writing this. I love writing Skip as a jerk so much, y'all don't even know.


	2. Welcome To Mogster!

**BoneMama has entered the chat.**

**Swtchks:** Heeey, sexy profile mama. Wanna hook up?

**BoneMama:** I'm not looking for that kind of thing.

**PutaRingonit:** Are you looking for a meaningful relationship then? I certainly wouldn't mind getting to know a beautiful woman like yourself over dinner.

**BoneMama:** I'm flattered, but I'm just looking around right now.

**BoneMama:** Someone set this profile up on my phone as a prank, and I'm still not sure if I'm gonna keep it active or not.

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** (¬ ‿¬) _Surrrre_ they did. The way you're out here showing off the goodies in that pfp doesn't look like a prank to me!

**BoneMama:** That was originally a private picture for someone, but I don't know how to change it on here.

**PutaRingonit:**...So you're spoken for?

**BoneMama:** No. We broke up a few months ago.

**LaPeTiTM0rT has sent you a friend request.**

**PutaRingonit has sent you a friend request.**

**LonesomeGarden has sent you a friend request.**

**Red_Hot_High_Roller has sent you a friend request.**

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** OMJ guys... stop being so damn horny. I just invited her here, and you're already gonna scare her off!

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Welcome to Mogster! Try not to take them too seriously, okay Boney?

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** lol sorry yin. U still single?

**Fatsacoftriccs:** With a name like that you know she is!

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** (*-`ω´- )人(*-`ω´- )

**Fatsacoftriccs:** (*-`ω´- )人(*-`ω´- )

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Love you too, guys.

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** UWU

**Selkiesm00th:** That's uncalled for, Yin Eater is a pillar of this community.

**Fatsacoftriccs:** j/k cuz, everyone knows that Yin's a class act!

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** Even if she's never "eaten" a yin in her life.

**LonesomeGarden:** That's nothing to be ashamed of.

**PutaRingonit:** Agreed. It's worth the wait to meet the right person.

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** ring, don't u have like, 10 billion wives?

**PutaRingonit:** Twelve, actually. Though I'd like to make it a nice fifteen before I call it quits.

**Red_Hot_High_Roller:** WTF?

**Swtchks:** WTF?

**LonesomeGarden:** That is impressive. How exactly do you make that work?

**PutaRing:** Never call one by the other's name, and keep a memo pad with every anniversary and birthday written down.

**Swtchks:** BS! There's no way anyone can do that!

**Fatsacoftriccs:** Nah, I know Ring IRL. She's the real deal.

**BoneMama:** I think I may as well. You have a sister that lives near Sunwich, right?

**PutaRingonit:** Yes. Do I know you?

**BoneMama:** I'm not telling...and she's not lying, she really does have that many wives.

**Fatsacoftriccs:** small world!

**KWEnt:** It appears that we are in the presence of an Alpha Yin.

**KWEnt**: By the way, BoneMama. Who did your photography work? It's very well done, and I might be interested in booking a shoot for my next upcoming clothing line.

**BoneMama:** She's actually a friend of my Conjurer's. I can send you the details if you like.

**You sent KWEnt a friend request.**

**Your friend request was accepted!**

**KWEnt:** Thank you very much.

**Swtchks:** WTF? Why did you accept her request, but not mine?

**BoneMama:** _Excuse me?_

**Selkiesm00th:** She's not obligated to accept anything, you know. Don't be rude.

**LaPeTiTM0rt:** yea, stop bein butthurt. If she's not interested, she's not interested.

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

**Swtchks: Suck up.** You don't even have a pfp yin, how do we know you're not some guy posing as a girl?

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** I'm vertically challenged and self-conscious about it, so I only share pics with friends or people that I want to meet. You don't have a profile picture either; what's your excuse?

**Swtchks:** So you're a kid too? LOL I should totally report you

**Fatsacoftriccs:** Oh nooooooooooooo

**Fatsacoftriccs:** Swt, run while you can

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Oh? You're approaching me?

**BoneMama:** Is this serious?

**Selkiesm00th:** Should we do something?

**LonesomeGarden:** Yes. 

**LonesomeGarden:** Sit back and enjoy the show. We're about to witness a murder.

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** dis gon be gud

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Listen to them Swtchks, you don't want to catch this smoke.

**Swtchks:** XD Yeah, definitely a kid. Gonna git banned.

**XxxYin_EaterxxX has uploaded a picture.**

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** OMJWTF?!?!?!?!!!!11111

**PutaRingonit:** Disgusting!

**Red_Hot_High_Roller:** WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS YIN

**Fatsacoftriccs:** @_@ Narsty. Is that a boil?

**LonesomeGarden:** Yin either delete that, or put spoiler tags up to hide it. Nobody wants to see that.

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** That is one effed up lookin weenie

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Not just any weenie.

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** That's Swtchks' weenie.

**BoneMama: **...

**LonesomeGarden:** ...

**Red_Hot_High_Roller:** Is this true?

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Yeah, he's a pic collector that's been harrasing users for a few days now. He got banned once, but made an alt.

**Swtchks:** I'm a girl for real.

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Take a picture, write a timestamp, and upload it right now. We'll wait.

**Swtchks:** You can take my word for it

**LaPeTiTM0rT: **TITS or GTFO

**Fatsacoftricss:** Cuz... there is _literally_ a Mog/Human dating app already, why would you even try to mess around with Yin Mogs? We're gonna tell you no _E__very Single Time_.

**LonesomeGarden:** What did you expect from a human? They don't care about anything other than what you can do for them.

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Garden, we've had this talk before, racebaiting is against the ToS. Keep it to yourself.

**LonesomeGarden:** I apologize.

**Swtchks:** Stop lying Yin LOL. How would you know I'm a dude if you aren't a hacker. Reported.

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Because I own the servers that host Mogster, you dumbass. The title in my profile is listed as Server Admin, or were you too busy jacking it to notice?

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Take your L, and close your account before I tell everyone that you're just a 38 year-old manchild from Harbei.

**Swtchks has left the chat.**

**Fatsacoftriccs: _DESTROYED_**

**BoneMama:** I am laughing so hard right now.

**LonesomeGarden:** same

**Selkiesm00th:** same

**Red_Hot_High_Roller:** same

**KWEnt:** Same

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** Yoooooooooooooo! That was amazing Yin!

**PutaRingonit:** Agreed, you handled that spectacularly.

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Okay, that's enough of that. Let's talk about something else.

**BoneMama:** Like what?

**Selkiesm00th:** Actually... I could use some relationship advice.

**Red_Hot_High_Roller:** Of course! We'd be happy to help.

**Selkiesm00th:** So there's this Sahuagin that I really really like...

**LonesomeGarden:** Sounds good so far

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** What's the rub?

**Fatsacoftriccs:** Wait for it...

**Selkiesm00th:** But she's been dating her Conjurer for about a year now.

**LonesomeGarden:** Thanks I hate it.

**Fatsacoftriccs:** RIP

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** I feel your pain, sis...

**BoneMama:** Have you told her how you feel?

**Selkiesm00th:** No.

**Selkiesm00th:** She barely even knows that I exist.

**BoneMama:** Then start by being her friend, and work up from there until you can. It's better to get it off of your chest while you can before you wind up missing your chance.

**PutaRingonit:** Solid advice. Listen to BoneMama, she knows what she's talking about.

**Selkiesm00th:** There's one other problem though... I have a friend that lives with them, and from what she's told me... They're very close. I don't know if I stand a chance.

**LonesomeGarden:** Well, You _could_ always play the long-con. Stay supportive over the years, wait for the Conjurer to die, then swoop in, and sweep her off her feet.

**KWEnt:** That's horrible, and you're a horrible person for suggesting it.

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** Garden this is why U can never get a date. U always sayin some shady shit.

**LonesomeGarden:** All I'm doing is offering a suggestion to her question. If she's serious about making the object of her affection hers, she won't let something like morals stand in the way.

**Fatsacoftriccs:** How much you wanna bet that Garden has a bigass mustache that she twirls whenever she starts talking like this?

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

**LonesomeGarden:** You aren't even trying to date triccs, Why are you even on here?

**Fatsacoftriccs:** Because it's a great way to kill time between customers.

**LonesomeGarden:** Whatever. I'm going to go make dinner.

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Bye Garden.

**Red_Hot_High_Roller:** Take care.

**LonesomeGarden has left the chat.**

**Selkiesm00th:** She's a little intense... isn't she?

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Eh. She harmless. Just always salty about something or another whenever she comes online; she always winds up scaring away the people that try to talk to her.

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** Guys, we completely forgot about Boney!

**BoneMama:** I'm still here. I just don't talk if I don't have anything to say.

**Red_Hot_High_Roller:** Strong silent type, are we? ;)

**BoneMama:** Not really. Actually, it's getting kind of late right now. I'm going to go to bed.

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** Noooooooo Boney Don't gooo

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** You're really cool

**PutaRingonit:** You'd definitely make a nice addition to our little friend group!

**BoneMama:** I'll probably come back on tomorrow. This was fun.

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** ＼(^o^)／

**LaPeTiTM0rT:** See U then!

**XxxYin_EaterxxX:** Glad you accepted the invite Boney; hope to see you soon. Good night!

**BoneMama has left the chat.**

**XxxYin_EaterxxX has sent you a friend request.**

.

..

...

....

**Friend request accepted!**

* * *

"Yesssssssssss!"

From her room onboard the H.M.S. Tenebro, Tate Astaroth pumps a fist in celebration as she sees the friend request get approved. The little friend group that she's made is nice, but it isn't the kind of companionship that she's looking for. She looks at the screen, and debates on whether or not to send BoneMama another message, but ultimately decides against it. There's no reason to rush, and she might make a misstep if she moves too fast. She puts her phone on the charger, and turns off the lights. After she climbs into bed, she stares up at her ceiling until she finally starts to drift off, wearing a content little smile on her face.

She doesn't know why, but she has a good feeling about this one... Maybe this could actually become something meaningful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk? I would love to do an entire story in the form of chat logs. It's extremely fun, and lets you examine characters from a different perspective. Not everyone acts the same under the guise of anonymity.
> 
> For those that need help identifying characters:
> 
> BoneMama: Nyx Ronove  
XxxYin_EaterxxX: Tate Astaroth  
LaPeTiTM0rT: Kon Verrine (She would be a chatroom trash child, and you cannot convince me otherwise.)  
Fatsacoftriccs: Shep Seere (Here for the Lulz. The only one smart enough to recognize everyone for who they are IRL, but thoughtful enough not to put anyone on blast)  
PutaRingonit: Fang Dantalion  
Red_Hot_High_Roller: Huo Wukong  
KWEnt: Kai Wujing  
Selkiesm00th: Silk Vepar  
LonesomeGarden: Yorshk Voso  
Swtchks: Some random manbaby from Harbei, I dunno.


End file.
